Here I am, writing this diary two days after I wanted to at 9pm with a silicone pump hanging off my breast, begging for two plugged ducts to drain & hoping my baby will be calm long enough on his dad’s chest for me to finish this. I’m feeling more depleted this week.
Caring for Maverick is getting more challenging and I can tell Andy is really feeling the pressure of being Lily’s main caretaker. To make matters worse, Andy and I both caught a cold on top of Lily’s constant runny nose and cough she has had for almost a month. I became a germaphobe after having Lily because a fever in a newborn means an immediate trip to the emergency room. Before Maverick came, I was asking all of my friends how they protected their newborns from their germy toddlers. I know I’m already doing the best thing I can for Mav’s immune system by breastfeeding and washing my hands RAW all day long since he was born. Somehow, even though I’ve only left the house a handful of times, I still managed to get sick. By day two of the illness, it was time to wear a mask. All I could think about is my poor newborn laying in the hospital attached to a bunch of tubes. Lucky the cold only lasted three days and I’m almost back to normal. We’ve been keeping Lily out of her normal play classes until Maverick gets old enough for an illness to not be an emergency. This week she is starting up swim class and music class again so we will be sanitizing like crazy!
The biggest difference this week is Maverick’s temperament. Five days ago, we gave him a probiotic for the first time and by the next day he was a totally different baby. He has started screaming every time he’s awake and tugging at my nipple and painfully moaning while he’s eating. I thought at first it was one bad day and continued with the probiotic the next day until I noticed it was getting even worse. The company that makes the probiotic told me this was normal but after speaking with our night nurse (who is also a pediatrician) we decided to stop. The night nurse was explaining that his system just might not be developed enough to handle that type of good bacteria. She reassured me that it will eventually get out of his system but we’re on day five and he’s still fussy. Mamas, I am exhausted. Andy is so busy with Lily that Mav is basically all mine. He is still eating every hour and never wants me to put him down. It seems as though he’s having trouble falling asleep during the day and wants to suck on my breast for comfort but gets frustrated when milk keeps coming out. He takes a paci but he can obviously tell the difference and would rather have mom. The trouble with oversupply is, there is no way I can give him what he wants. I would love for him to be able to use me for comfort but my breasts just don’t stop making milk. The worst part is, the more he sucks and stops, the more milk my breasts continue to make. Right now, I’m feeding him every meal (12-15 times a day) and pumping an extra 25-30oz. just to make myself comfortable. I tried the first of 3 steps my IBCLC gave me to reduce my supply (peppermint) and it hasn’t done anything. In fact, it almost seems like my letdowns are getting stronger. The next step is Sage. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes but I am desperate for something to change. I am getting plugged ducts almost every day. I sleep on my back now every night, make sure I empty my breasts as much as I can before I go to sleep, take lecithin, use warmth and massage and I’m STILL getting them. I even felt Mastitis coming on this week but was luckily able to stop it before it got really bad.
Other than my boobs, my body is doing alright. My core seems to be healing pretty well and my body is a lot less sore. My vagina is healing pretty well but I am SO sick of wearing pads. The bleeding is very mild most days and then randomly will get stronger which is common, especially as I start moving more. I took a walk for the first time. We probably walked a little over a mile. While I was walking I felt alright but was pretty sore by the time we got back. It was after that walk that my plugged duct started to turn into mastitis. A girl can’t win! It seems like every time I try to leave the house to just get some fresh air, I end up feeling like it wasn’t worth the hassle. I’m doing core breathing and mild exercises at home every day now but I am craving something more intense. I know I can’t rush myself so I’ll stick to low impact exercises until my pelvic health therapist and OBGYN give me the go ahead. I’m still up 14 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight but I really don’t feel like it. My belly is still pretty squishy but I can see the definition in the mirror. I haven’t dared try on my pre-pregnancy jeans yet! Ha. Because of how much milk I’m making, I am eating like CRAZY. Seriously I’ve never been so hungry. I can eat 3 dinners in a row and still be starving. I haven’t been eating well like I usually do but I went to the grocery store myself today for the first time since having Mav and now I’m more motivated to get it together. We’ll see if that changes once the cravings hit tomorrow. I have had a couple of glasses of wine since I had him but because I’m nursing so frequently I’m not in a rush to start drinking more.
This coming week our potential nanny’s trial will begin on Tuesday and like I mentioned Lily will start back up with some activities. Other than that, my goal is to work on getting Maverick to feel and sleep better during the day (he’s still sleeping pretty well at night!) and to continue to increase my exercises at home. I’m hoping once we have some help around here everything will feel a little less overwhelming. It will be nice to not be rushing between dishes, laundry, cooking, reading to my toddler and tending to a screaming baby!