Postpartum Diaries: 7 Weeks

Lots to update you on this week so let’s get goin’!

I survived the weekend without Andy…barely! Just kidding.  It actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I ended up getting our go-to babysitter to help me for 4 hours each day which made my life a lot easier.  Unfortunately, Mav had two bad nights in a row (literally up every 2 hours) so I was exhausted but both of the kids were pretty well behaved during the day.  Also, it’s amazing how much you get done around the house when you’re scared of how little time you’ll have to do it.  With every spare moment I was cleaning something or prepping something! Would I want to do it again, though? Nope. Nope. NOPE.  Bless all of the moms of multiple children that are doing this alone most of (or all of) the time.  Even if I didn’t have a hard baby it would still be SO exhausting.  It’s not so bad when one of them acts up at a time it’s when they BOTH do that sends you into a spiral.  Right before their bedtimes one of the nights Lily had a tantrum and Mav was in the middle of one of his screaming fits.  That can drive any sane mama a little loopy.  And, of course, the first thing that pops into your mind is being angry at your partner for leaving you alone.  Sometimes it’s good to get everyone settled, take a couple of deep breaths (and a couple of sips of wine) before calling them to talk about the day.

We took Mavi to the pediatric GI this week.  As expected there was no “clear” answer but she did agree that something was definitely wrong.  I could tell at the beginning she was a little skeptical because she said “oh, Maverick is a little fussy, huh?”  By the way, can I interrupt my update here to just tell you how INFURIATING it is when any healthcare professional minimizes your struggle.  This happened constantly with Lily.  She was miserable for 8 months but would miraculously be great at every doctor’s appointment and everyone just kept saying “oh she doesn’t seem miserable to me!”  Ugh. Because of that, my daughter may have been suffering for way longer than she needed to.  Anyway, we are really committed to figuring out what is going on with Maverick.  The Gastroentorologist told me it was most likely a dairy/soy intolerance but I have been off of dairy for almost a month now and soy for at least 2 weeks with no real change.  I decided to try the Dr. Sears Breastfeeding Elimination Diet out of desperation.  I think his issue is either a food intolerance or a lactose overload or perhaps a mixture of both.  I’m starting the diet next Tuesday and should be able to see a difference within two weeks.  If I don’t, it will be pretty clear that it is not a diet issue and I’ll be back to the drawing board!

In other big news, I had my visit with my pelvic floor physical therapist, Merci, this week!  I have to be honest I was TERRIFIED about going because about a week before the appointment I started to notice a weird feeling in “that” area.  After checking with a hand mirror, I realized I had a prolapse.  Ugh.  My worst nightmare and SO strange to me because I was so careful during my pregnancy and worked really hard to strengthen my pelvic floor.  A prolapse is when one of your organs starts to bulge through your vagina.  Yes, it’s as crazy as it sounds and is very common.   The good news: it is a mild bladder prolapse and could potentially go away completely.  Merci said that prolapses aren’t usually graded until 12 weeks postpartum so I have some time to get where I need to be.  Just a warning: most OBs will not check for a prolapse unless you’re complaining of symptoms (a bulging feeling, incontinence) so please, please take the time to see a pelvic health therapist.  Your pelvic health is SO important and will affect the rest of your life!  Merci said my pelvic floor strength was pretty good which was exciting!  I also have diastasis recti in a small area above my belly button.  It wasn’t as bad as I actually thought it would be (2 ½ finger widths) and I’m confident I’ll be able to get it to close.  She did some internal muscle releases which seemed to work very well & she asked me to hold off on sex until she sees me once more in two weeks. We don’t want to do anything that will make the prolapse worse! Sorry, Andy! 

One last thing… I know I’ve mentioned this before and it’s pretty obvious but having a tough baby is really a struggle.  I am craving my independence and time out of the house but when you have a fussy child leaving the house can be dreadful.  You know how difficult it is to leave the house with any aged child but when your baby wants to nurse every hour, hates his car seat and cries most of the day it can leave you feeling like it just isn’t worth it.  It really takes a lot for me to make the effort to leave but I know it’s important for my sanity.  I wish we could go out to dinners or take long walks or day trips with Maverick but he just isn’t that kind of baby.  Even when I’m in the house I’m getting very little “me” time.  After hours and hours straight of caring for him by myself and dealing with meltdown after meltdown I can feel my mind slipping. I told you mamas that I suffered with postpartum depression last time and I am very aware of how I am feeling this time around.  I don’t want to spiral again and it’s amazing how quickly I can go from feeling totally fine to being so upset and anxious that it makes me nauseous. Yes, I know it gets better and yes, I have been here before but it doesn’t make it any easier in the moment. Seeing your child scream is physically painful for a mother and it is just awful to feel helpless.  I don’t think I’m depressed but I wouldn’t be surprised if I got there.  Somehow, someway I need to find time for me and I know I better do it quick.  No need to be fearful for me, though, I’ll be the first to ring the alarms if they need to be rung but I would appreciate all the positive vibes for my little boy. 

See you next week! And please wish me good luck on this breastfeeding elimination diet!